Meditating the way to go

Having full time school and work has made me very stressed for the first time in my life. Sure there has been the occasional upsetting events but this is the sort of constant stress that I have never dealt with before. I'm usually laid back and take things slow. Being unable to stroll along is posing a problem to my sanity. Work dumps on me about small and if I may say so pointless things which would normally not bother me to much but now that I have no time to relax at home it irritates me. I'm not saying I am going to go off in a rage over toilet paper placement and dump mop water on the floor cursing as I go though at times it does sound tempting. School really is not so bad except the homework. Despite having fewer but longer classes I am ending up with more homework. It's awesome I'm done with math but now I'm weighed down with never ending essays and movie response papers. Writing papers is up there with math and I get at least 2 or 3 a week plus giant projects which are just giant essays. I'm not incapable of writing papers, I just find them difficult and boring so I sit at home forcing myself to do them which has led me to put them off to the last minute. All this has made me feel stressed. I certainly feel that I have a blessed life with many good things in it so I'm not saying I have a bad life more like I just feel overwhelmed and question if I should have done so much at once. There are times I feel like I can't deal with it and the first thought that comes to mind is to meditate. I never really meditated to much before probably because I did not need it like I do now. It has ended up being very easy for me to do thankfully. I focus my mind on a white lotus flower sitting in the middle of a still pond in a beautiful garden. The sun is slowly rising just hitting the lotus making the semi translucent  petals seem to glow. This goes on for some time until I'm completely unaware that it is even happening my mind is so focused. By the time I'm done I feel so calm and able. It's been really great for me during this unlikely time in my life. I think it will definitely continue to be a large part of my life in the future.

Christmas!

I don't know what is so special about this year but I'm all about Christmas!! Forget growing up, I haven't been this excited for the holidays ever. Picking the tree, decorating the apartment and making tasty holidays desserts has been so much fun. The Christmas music has been on for over a week now and it is just so joyful and merry. I can't wait to get everyone's gifts wrapped up and under the tree. The thought of having a big meal and spending time with family is so nice. I love every annoying little thing about Christmas! The halls at work are decorated and I always slow down to take a look and appreciate it. There really is something special about the holidays. Why not enjoy it as much as you can!

Age

You know I think I am one of the only girls I know who just does not care if the world knows my age. People my age are already hiding there birth year and complaining about how old they are. Old? lol Really?? I mean 26 is not old to me at all. Besides you are as old as you feel so looking at a calendar shouldn't get a person down. I see 80 year olds going out on trips, laughing it up and having a good old time. Obviously age isn't stopping them from enjoying life. I think are society is way to obsessed about looks and age anyway. That's probably why so many people do hide there age shamefully or try so hard to look younger.

Maybe I just don't get it. I do get mistaken for a teenager constantly so it's not like I have ever been confronted with being "old" to someone. I do already have my first gray hair or more like white hair, that sucker looks like snow. lol That really doesn't bother me either. Maybe I will get a big shock of white hair mixed in with my dark brown hair... awesome!

I suppose single ladies may want to appear as young as possible for a potential boyfriend so they are sensitive about it. I really never tried to look hot in the past so I'm not sure I would try now even if I was single. lol I can't help feeling odd. I don't fit in with what's acceptable to the majority. I go around telling my friends my weight *gasp* in front of men.. like I care. A girlfriend was saying she was fat at lunch and I laughed and said I am 154 pounds so if your fat I'm obese. lol It made her laugh anyway.

To me things like that just do not matter in the long run. So who cares if people know your weight, your age, your natural hair color and so on. What should really concern a person is how they are judged for what's on the inside. That should matter a great deal more then anything else. Besides self esteem and being positive is what makes you feel beautiful. A super model could feel ugly even if the world thinks she is beautiful if she does not love herself.

Religon

Faith is very important to me but telling people I am religious is not easy. The word alone conjures up unpleasant images of over sensitive and intolerant people. I hate feeling that way about my own faith as a whole but there is a reason why I don't go to church. Being Christian means (to me) believing in God and Jesus and what they have done for us. Basically living in love like Jesus as God wants us to. Such a simple request gone terribly wrong. I get more heat for my lifestyle by other Christians more then anyone else. They tell me eating meat is God's will because he put the animals on earth here for us. Well perhaps I think God would want me to respect and appreciate the strong and beautiful creatures he put on earth instead. Maybe I don't think all creatures "below" me and the earth as a whole is something to squeeze dry because it was given to us but instead respect it as best I can because indeed God made it so I should at least try to treat it right well it lasts. Since we believe God made the earth we should be the first people willing and wanting to protect and care for it. I shrug my shoulders to those who disagree, they can think what they want but it makes simple sense to me. Just like being over judgemental about peoples sexual preferences, faith, language, and overall life style seems to make no sense at all. Granted we all judge sometimes but it is so prevalent in Christianity. The whole point of the faith is to be loving, forgiving, and accepting as God has done for us despite are flaws. I'm not perfect and whose to say I have the right to constantly judge others when God has done me the favour of forgiving all my wrongs despite actually being perfect and having the right to judge me. If you judge a person for one thing you think is wrong be assured you can find just as much wrong with yourself. When I try to explain my views on faith to people it seems to be crazy like I'm not religious at all especially to other Christians. I could go on about this forever and it would be terribly boring so I will try to wrap it up. I feel sure that it is God's will for me to find a way to love and forgive and accept others the way Jesus did. I figure that is God's will for all of us in  the long and short of it, however that is meant to show it's self.

Rant!

Veganism has been on my mind today, well more then normal anyways.  When people ask me why I'm vegan it takes a lot for me not to launch into some absurdly passionate speech about animals. Every time some one asks (which is often)  they seem shocked like it is not possible to survive without meat or dairy. It must seem impossible if you know nothing about it but it's really not that hard, in fact it is easy for me and I am much healthier for it. It's frustrating when people don't accept my eating choices despite the fact that I say nothing about there flesh sandwiches. lol Ok that's a little bitter but I never do say anything to them about there eating choices, yet they debate me over mine and it never seems to end. I was a meat eater for about 19 years in total so it's not like I've never ate it myself but when I started to think about where are meat comes from and what it really means to these animals I knew I had to stop eating it. I could not call myself a animal lover when on one hand I snuggled dogs but on the other had I ate cows, pigs etc. I think there lives matter just as much and even though I can't stop the horrific deaths of millions of animals a year in slaughter houses I can stand by my own morals and do my best not to participate in it. When people want to know why this is pretty much (minus the horrific deaths, gory details part) what I tell them and they start to argue with me and get defense. For crimeny sakes I was stating my opinion not what I think they should be thinking! Maybe they think I am attacking there life style by not living like them, I really don't know. Even though I no longer ever plan to eat meat intentionally again and indeed I have very strong feelings about it, I am not and will not tell other people there, wrong, bad, stupid or evil because they do not agree with me. I really wish people would simply give me the same back. :/

Follow the leader?

What do you do when your work team is a headless horse running into walls? When are boss is gone it is like Mr. Ed got sent to the guillotine for eating someone else's carrots. There is always someone else put in charge but for some reason this said person never seems to have the time or understanding to do it. I have never been one to take up the reigns of leadership but I feel like it is forced on me sometimes. I see some one needing help and when I can't think of anyone else who can help them I feel obligated to do it. Are housekeeping team is divided into groups and sections that we are responsible for which in theory should make things easy but oh no... no. I work in a independent section on my own far from anyone else. We all carry walkie talkies to keep in contact and receive orders. When the boss is gone I am the only one to respond to the receptionist who is in the area that is NOT mine. I wait for her to call a second time as to not jump the gun but no one ever replies. I go on a wild goose chase to hunt down the person the message is for and I'm always being told "It's not my room" or "That's not my job." I know I am not the only one keeping track of calls so it is frustrating that I end up fielding them all. I'm happy to help when it makes sense. I will go out of my way to make sure things happen but there is some one who is intentionally ignoring calls for help when it is her area calling for help and not mine. I do not know the area and I do not have equipment there to do the work so all I can do and have done is let the right person know what I have been told. They take this very badly, in fact I think there hoping I would ignore the calls so there not forced to do the work. They only start replying after I talk the call and it becomes clear I am going to find them and tell them what needs to be done. Sigh! I would feel wrong ignoring these calls so I keep doing it. I really don't see myself as a leader but so many people come to me for help and work advice and the receptionist asks for me by name when no one else responds to her. 0_o I'm just glad my boss is coming back next week. I am tempted to tell her what happens when she is gone but I think it will cause needless, painful drama which in the end will resolve nothing. I just need to keep on truckin (hah lame) and not worry about the decisions other people make.

Looks

I realise we all want to put are best foot forward in all aspects, including are out ward appearance but I think it's to big of a focus. So many kids, especially girls feel like they have to be perfect, in all the right styles and a perfect body. What's perfect any ways? What is healthy on one person is unhealthy on another. One persons style suits them well it looks ill on another. I see a lot of people who wear dress casual for there job and the pounds of make up and uber hair high lights confuse me. It is clearly unnatural from any distance and in my opinion it does not add to any person's physical appeal. I personally barely ever put on make up or do anything more with my hair then brush it or put it up into a simple do. I'm not saying make up, hair dye, and style is wrong but it seems so over done. I think it is great to want to look good and feel good but isn't inner beauty way more important? I think any person would feel way more beautiful if they loved themselves for who they are and what they do for others. I guess seeing so much extremity in this area lately has gotten to me. We all grow old and loose what looks we have any ways so I don't see a reason to be overly concerned about it. I know it's terrible but when I see someone in thick make up I want to scrape it off with a putty knife so there actual face can be seen, which I'm sure is much more attractive then the foundation they spackle on it. >_< I can see make up in moderation being a beneficial thing but there is always to much of a good thing!

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